babies were throwing up all over the place
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just invented taco cereal.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
