Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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