God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk is a universal language darling
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
