I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
