Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
