it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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