I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
