I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
