Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
