it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
