she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
