I think I died a long time ago.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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