I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
