this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
