My Higher Power is John Stamos
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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