It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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