just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
