woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
