1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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