he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
