I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
