thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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