Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
