for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
