sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
