i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
