if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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