We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
