she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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