this beer tastes like vomit already
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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