I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
