i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
