Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
