I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
