Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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