A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
