I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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