I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
