Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
