just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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