omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
