:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
