eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
