So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
