I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
