On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
please don't ironically join a cult
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