I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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