1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
