I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
