What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
