How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
