Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
