Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
